My Voice.

I'd say something I'm independently working on is not being fearful of  my voice; the sounds it makes, how seemingly wild and unpredictable it can be. I have been afraid to sing aloud for many years because I've felt just...I guess not good enough. But in the past few months, I have come to really enjoy the sound of my voice. So, I'm going to practice sharing where I'm at with others. Vulnerability. It's all a process, for sure. These songs are ones I've decided I'd like to work on within the next couple of weeks. So...we'll see. Here we go!

Diva's Lament 

   

        I Had Myself a True Love

                   I am Woman.                    

                 - Maya Angelou

    Well, I guess I'm a woman. Time has decided that for me, and I feel very blessed and fortunate because of this. Actually, I feel like a child; panicked, anxious, unprepared, ungrateful at times, fearful of what's to come. We all have our moments, but lately, I've been living in mine. 

    This-this is a beautiful piece of verse by a truly phenomenal woman. I'm going to borrow it; this is now my mantra. I know and know of some outstanding women, who could say this without blinking, or should be able to rather, and maybe that's why I am hesitant to join the ranks, but here I am. I speak this over my life. I speak this over my life because...when I make a list of the lies I believe about myself versus what Jesus knows to be true about me, where does this statement fall? Under truths. - By the grace of God I am made new- "I am a woman phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that's me."

    Our lives have a storybook quality to them(probably because we're apart of the greatest story ever). But think about it- we're all created with a specialness, different character traits, fates, purposes... We will each have different adventures, tasks, endeavors. Our lives will intersect with other various characters and make an impact on their lives. We were all intentionally designed for a purpose-we all have roles in this story. And what a crying shame when I misinterpret my role; when I don't understand how my character is developing.

    I can tell you this: my role will not be waylaid by any lulls, mishaps, heartaches, or misfortunes life has to offer! That WOULD be childish. The role I am embracing and speaking over my life is one given to me by my Creator: a phenomenal woman, that's me.

"Oh, you're an actor..."

I have always had a hard time communicating with people. I never know how to share my heart with others. It’s as if my whole life is a junior high missions’ trip to Mexico, and I don’t know a word of Spanish. I struggle with the knowledge that I have something so special to share, and no way to tell it. Sometimes I can only express myself through sounds, movements, or facial expressions. Rarely can I find the words I desperately search for.

     I have found that the theatre is a great medium for communication; a type of translator, if you will, that aids me in sharing a part of myself with other humans.  My ultimate delight is when I play a role I identify with. I portray someone who has had their heartbroken, harbors guilt or ill-will towards another, is overjoyed, or in love, and I’m saying to the audience, “I have felt this way! Have you?”

My whole being desires to reach out to people; to communicate. We humans were created to do so. We were created to be in fellowship with one another. Actually, we were created to be in fellowship with our Creator. I have no doubt that being an actress relates to my soul’s search to recover glory. I am imitating my creator, and wanting the same relationship with others He wants from us. Intimacy. The arts create intimacy.

No doubt I could do something else with my life. I have always cared about justice, children, the impoverished, and downtrodden. I could easily seek out another outlet. I love the miracle of life, and will sacrifice and suffer to preserve its sanctity. I could become a social worker, doctor, or midwife. I could be a foster parent, and mother a tribe of children; I most likely will! But I cannot escape the arts. I and the arts will never be separate from one another.

I am not just drawn or called to the arts. Words like drawn and called may sound lovely, like it’s not by my own strength or will, but those words imply I was once without art. They suggest that God had to do an altar call to get me down the aisle, when really I had the desire to be there all along. Like my Father in Heaven, I was born to create. I am so invested in creation, I can’t escape it. I cannot help but use the imagery of a working heart, with veins pumping blood throughout the body. Like those veins assisting the heart, I am too invested in a good thing to quit.

I was raised surrounded by beauty. My parents are artists as well, so everything always came back to art. I relate to my family through the arts, all of us having a great spiritual bond through beauty and our understanding of God’s glory for us. My relationship with Jesus, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit have much to do with the arts. It is my way of imitating my Creator, worshipping my Father, working with the Spirit, and being with Jesus. I have to point out that the Creator of the universe loved me enough to die for me, and sent His Holy Spirit to dwell within me. He is invested in me, His creation, so it is no wonder I have inherited His love to create.

I am an artist because… I see glimpses of eternity through creation. I love the constant reminder to have hope for Glory and the Joy of the Lord. 

Royalty! Aslan! Travel! Adventure!

Dear friends, 
I have been inspired lately by God's desire to give us purpose- good stories. I have been reading the Old Testament in my Biblical literature class, and I am in awe of time and how it absorbs us until we lack faith. God has plans for every single person on this earth...I wonder what happens when we grow cowardly and refuse the Lord's task. God uses the faithful, those who persevere through time, fog, and the mire. We were all born to reclaim humanity and seek to have our glory restored; born for a true adventure, a task. What would have happened had Frodo felt no responsibility towards mankind? What if Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy denied being sons of Adam and daughters of Eve-Human? No story. And to think, people aren't living their stories because they are too rushed to consider what their story was originally intended to be. Maybe they feel unworthy. Maybe they are ashamed of their old story; can't accept the new, and have hushed the still, small voice calling them to purpose. I don't know. I just can't shake what I envision just overseas, as if attainable here on earth...someday: Me riding lions with fellow tribesmen to other kingdoms across the great land, governing the world, maintaining peace. Being stewards of the land, and having fellowship once more with our Creator. I see it. That is my heart song! What does our glory look like here on earth? What is our purpose now? What is our story? I'm certain we were written as an epic. 

Children

They have unlimited amounts of hope.


They adore you when you are not adorable.


They forgive and forget without thinking twice.


They cry when they have to.


They tell you when they love you.


They are eager to please.


They draw you pictures and make you necklaces.


They choose to sit close to you.


They look up to you.


They trust without doubt.


They remember what you say.


They view the world to be as innocent as they are.


They are unashamed by their wild aspirations.


They treasure the small things.


They are grateful for your time.






                                   No wonder we are to be like them.

Only Human?

1. Human, humane  may refer to that which is, or should be,characteristic of human beings. In thus describing characteristics,human  may refer to good and bad traits of a person alike ( humankindness; human weakness ). When emphasis is placed upon thelatter, human  is thought of as contrasted to divine: To err ishuman, to forgive divine. He was only human. Humane  (the originalspelling of human,  and since 1700 restricted in meaning) takes intoaccount only the nobler or gentler aspects of people and is oftencontrasted to their more ignoble or brutish aspect. A humane person is benevolent in treating fellow humans or helpless animals;the word once had also connotations of courtesy and refinement(hence, the application of humane  to those branches of learning intended to refine the mind). 


My thought is this: Why throw away God's beautiful design because we're ashamed of our execution of it? 


If God made humans in Eden, not celestial beings, to love, have fellowship, and give rule and dominion over the whole entire earth, why are we letting Satan claim humanity? Should not being fully alive in Christ Jesus be fully human? 


We are not in Heaven, we are on Earth. We are not dead yet. We are living and we are humans. It was never God's intent for us to die, it is unnatural. God offers life to the fullest to us on Earth. "For God did not send His Son into the World to condemn the World, but to save the World through Him." Yes, God saves us from Hell, but living here on Earth is not purgatory; a holding ground. Jesus died so that we may live...on Earth. The urgency in the great commission should be due to the fact that people are living dead, not that they will shortly be dead and go to Hell. 


I am not saying that "we can build a beautiful city of men", especially apart from God. I am saying that I would like to reclaim humanity for the Lord. He loves His creation, and I'd like to live up to His design.