I have
always had a hard time communicating with people. I never know how to share my
heart with others. It’s as if my whole life is a junior high missions’ trip to
Mexico, and I don’t know a word of Spanish. I struggle with the knowledge that
I have something so special to share, and no way to tell it. Sometimes I can
only express myself through sounds, movements, or facial expressions. Rarely
can I find the words I desperately search for.
I
have found that the theatre is a great medium for communication; a type of
translator, if you will, that aids me in sharing a part of myself with other
humans. My ultimate delight is when I
play a role I identify with. I portray someone who has had their heartbroken,
harbors guilt or ill-will towards another, is overjoyed, or in love, and I’m
saying to the audience, “I have felt this way! Have you?”
My whole
being desires to reach out to people; to communicate. We humans were created to
do so. We were created to be in fellowship with one another. Actually, we were
created to be in fellowship with our
Creator. I have no doubt that being an actress relates to my soul’s search to
recover glory. I am imitating my creator, and wanting the same relationship
with others He wants from us. Intimacy. The arts create intimacy.
No doubt I
could do something else with my life. I have always cared about justice,
children, the impoverished, and downtrodden. I could easily seek out another
outlet. I love the miracle of life, and will sacrifice and suffer to preserve
its sanctity. I could become a social worker, doctor, or midwife. I could be a
foster parent, and mother a tribe of children; I most likely will! But I cannot
escape the arts. I and the arts will never be separate from one another.
I am not
just drawn or called to the arts. Words like drawn and called may
sound lovely, like it’s not by my own strength or will, but those words imply I
was once without art. They suggest that God had to do an altar call to get me
down the aisle, when really I had the desire to be there all along. Like my
Father in Heaven, I was born to create. I am so invested in creation, I can’t
escape it. I cannot help but use the imagery of a working heart, with veins
pumping blood throughout the body. Like those veins assisting the heart, I am too
invested in a good thing to quit.
I was
raised surrounded by beauty. My parents are artists as well, so everything
always came back to art. I relate to my family through the arts, all of us having
a great spiritual bond through beauty and our understanding of God’s glory for
us. My relationship with Jesus, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit have much
to do with the arts. It is my way of imitating my Creator, worshipping my
Father, working with the Spirit, and being with Jesus. I have to point out that
the Creator of the universe loved me
enough to die for me, and sent His Holy Spirit to dwell within me. He is
invested in me, His creation, so it is no wonder I have inherited His love to
create.
I am an
artist because… I see glimpses of eternity through creation. I love the
constant reminder to have hope for Glory and the Joy of the Lord.
