She's back

I had lived outside of myself for about a year; not knowing what to do, how to listen, or where to stand. I recall standing in my room for what seemed like a minute, only to glance at the clock to find I'd  been standing there for an hour. There was no spring of joy, only an empty well; I'd given all my joy away with no way to replenish it. I remember feeling shamed and unworthy of the friendships I had. I swore they could tell I was not the same. The glow I once had, the thing I was treasured for was fading. How could they benefit or delight in my friendship now? The people I love were not impacted by me. I could bear no fruit. That's how I felt. 
What am I to do? I remember asking when I was last myself, when I last felt whole. Years ago. I wanted to take shape of who I had been, young, naive, joy filled, and caring. It was nearly impossible to take this shape since I had grown out of it. 
Okay then, where do I find my identity? In other people-who they tell me I am- oops. That's the present truth, but it certainly is not as it should be. Jesus should be where you are, generously, and beautifully defining you, I remind myself. 
Why am I not listening to people? I care, don't I? A humbling and hurtful truth: I am not loving them. Jesus is love, and I don't know him very well right now...Teach me to love, Jesus. 
Where do I stand? I have no aim, only a worn out anthem. All of these reflections hurt my soul. I am Shelby Taylor and I stand for and wait upon the Lord! Lord! Where are you?


Well, when you call upon the Lord...



Strongholds are miraculously broken, He uses you again to further His Kingdom, and He reminds you of His delight for you. I feel so treasured, I glow once more. He blesses me.
I know who I am. I am Esther with her courage, Ruth with her obedience, and Mary with her virtue. I am the Lord's; I am His daughter and His warrior. I have a cause and it is love and justice. Jesus is teaching me to love, and I have become one good listener. My anthem is to love who Jesus loves and never give up. I cry for people now, and less for myself. My heart is tender towards God and his sheep. I am redeemed. His love endures forever!

Jesus Reinstates Peter- John 21:15-17

 ¹⁵ When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”   “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”
   Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”
 ¹⁶ Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
   He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”
   Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”
 ¹⁷ The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
   Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”
   Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. ¹⁸ Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” ¹⁹ Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”